paforclive

Archive for May 2013

Well it’s been difficult keeping up with the journos asking questions while sniggering, Clive beaming after announcing a Rose or Jack (or both) are on the way, and Tom Waterhouse ringing for inside info on the possible names. You’d think the prat would have more pressing concerns.

Add to this Peter Slipper being in then out, accepted then resigning but no he was rejected because Clive thought he was a mole.

I’m getting about as much sleep as a Catholic priest on his fourth parish.

Clive has declared his appearance on Q&A ‘a fucking success’, and much credit must go to the big man. After his demands of Janet Albrechtsen hosting, only him and BobKat on the panel and a strict rider of Chiko Rolls and M&Ms were left unmet, he soldiered on. It’s a pity he forgot to switch out of campaign filming mode to say what he really thought, to show some fire and soul. I’ve personally seen more grunt from a Kia Cerato. His self appraisal is shall we say different.

Clive did get quite animated though when it came to registering the UAP with the AEC. Who knew that the Uniting Australia Party had already registered in March? Undeterred, Clive went left-field and humble, and as of now we are the Palmer United Party (PUP). I’m hoping no smartarse extends the acronym to PUMP for any of his MPs should they get in. But then as Clive says, names aren’t important, it’s ideas that matter.

Ah yes. Ideas. Clive has an alternative asylum seeker policy. Quite rightly, he wants to take the business model out of people smugglers’ hands by flying asylum seekers into our airports where their refugee status is assessed. If they pass, they would be integrated, and if not, they would be flown back on the next plane. I’m curious to see how much of the $5B saved by not chasing boats around the Indian Ocean & dehumanising camps would be eaten up by these airport based processing facilities. I’ve asked Clive how he intends to house that many people, to which he touches his nose and winks. ‘All up here luv.’
Oh Gawd.

Running parallel with the gestational timeline is Clive’s desire to be PM. It will come as no surprise to hear that he believes the centre of power should be shifted away from Canberra further north, specifically Coolum. ‘The Kirribili of the fucking north luv!’ He booms. ‘Question time followed by 18 holes!‘ Yes Clive, I’m certain the Federation Fathers would approve.

Clive has raised the idea of me running for a seat. Playing dumb, I insist that I am happy in my current role. I admit though that I would relish the chance to run for Sturt, just to see the Poodle’s eyes pop when I debate him. Clive boasts that there sitting MPs ready become PUMPs, but I’m skeptical. The phone’s not exactly running hot with applicants outside of QLD.

So we plod on. Clive has already requested (demanded) a tripartite debate series with the PM, the ‘knob’ as he calls him and Clive.

No prizes for his preferred host.


Please direct PUP related questions my way via my twitter handle @PAforClive

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Yes the rumours are true. Clive will appear on Q&A alongside fellow passionate Queenslander Bob Katter.

Some of the parameters I have set for the show are as follows:

1 Tony Jones to be removed as host and Janet Albrechtsen in.

2 No questions on tax policy – we all know what happened last time a Queenslander advocated a flat tax.

3 Clive to have access to a cold spoon under the desk (see point 1).

4 Rider preshow as previously agreed with the ABC (including the specific brand and quantity of Chiko rolls requested).

5 Audience composition must be >75% QLD, with no Greens.

6 Warwick Capper to be given special security lanyard for the night in case any nut bags think of coming in to the studio.

7 Emma Alberici to take the night off as there will be no Lateline (2 hour Q&A clause).

Clive is ready for all questions and, unlike Abbott & Gillard, does not his questions vetted or screened. He expects a fair fight with his friend Bob Katter.

Any Qs, tweet away.

PAforClive
UAP HQ

Press Release
Thursday 9 May 11:30am

Just adding to the announcement of 5 UAP candidates, we wish to announce that while we have received an application if candidacy from Kyle Sandilands, we will not be taking this seriously.

For a start, he has no Mineralogy board experience and as far as we can tell, has not grown up on the Gold Coast.

We are on track to run candidates in 100 federal seats. Stay tuned.

PAforClive

Well, things have been interesting at UAP HQ. While some preselections are done and dusted, others are in no uncertain terms open.

Warwick Capper still rings on a daily basis playing hard to get, insisting ‘we both know you want me in the tent’. Notwithstanding the unpalatable thought of being in am actual tent with the Bogan Baron, his use of political speak is at once pathetic and earnest. Clive suggests we harness his wave of enthusiasm while it lasts before he goes into downturn. If anyone recognises short term ideas, it’s Clive.

Clive wants the NDIS. Pretty simple. What’s not so simple is his demand to drop taxes for personal and business scales to attract more business and inspire confidence. How this swims in the same stream as fiscal rectitude is beyond my cognition. While he calls flat tax proponents ‘fucking geese’, it is still unclear if he has concrete tax plans.

His analogy?
‘Reading the Henry Report isn’t the only way forward for tax reform. It’s like saying reading the Fifty Shades books makes you a better lover.’
Thanks for that image Boss.

Beyond this, I can relate the following ideas for our official UAP Campaign Launch.

– on the steps of the Opera House: ‘look how many turned to see Crowded House’. Yyyupp ok.
– in front of Tony Abbott’s house (Ill advised, especially as his furniture has already been moved to Kirribili Storage)
– at Luna Park with the world’s Guinness Book of Records BBQ

But we all know he’ll launch this campaign of a large vessel with a captain’s hat on.

‘People need to know who the skipper is y’know luv?’

Yes Clive.